how to make fake cinnamon rolls. hint: the cinnamon is not fake.

If you sometimes get a craving for big, sticky, yeasty cinnamon rolls, the kind with the white vanilla frosting all over them, and you also happen to have someone in your household who likes that dreadful King’s Hawaiian Bread, there is an easy solution to your craving.  Warning: this solution is hardly perfect from a nutritional standpoint, but it is much, much better for you than one of those gutbomb cinnamon rolls, and you don’t have to drive to the mall to get it.

King’s Hawaiian Bread, for those who are lucky enough to be unfamiliar with it, is a ghastly,  oversweetened, chunk style version of traditional soft crust white bread.  When used as advertised, as dinner rolls or buns for savory sandwiches, it is really quite horrible.  But I will admit it comes into its own when you let it get slightly stale and repurpose it.

Take a slightly stale King’s roll and slice it in thirds horizontally with a super sharp bread knife.  Soften some butter in the microwave and mix in a bit of sugar (remember the bread is already quite sweet) and a generous spoonful of really good cinnamon.  Butter the top and the bottom of the roll with the cinnamon butter, stack it back up, wrap it in a paper towel, and microwave it for 20 seconds or so.  And you have a pretty fabulous fake cinnamon roll.

Note: when you make these while distracted by a World Cup football match on a cloudy day, and the kitchen is in shadows, be sure to read the labels on those bottles you rummage out of the spice cabinet.  It’s  “Cinnamon” you’re looking for, not “Cayenne Pepper”.

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